Annual Review Time

The Scene:

CEO’s office. Polished cherry-wood desk. Bookcase crammed with leather bound tomes. Expansive windows with ocean views. A jacuzzi in the corner. (I’ve gone too far haven’t I?)

The Characters:

CEO: slightly stuffy older gent with awesome facial hair, probably with a cigar and a glass of something, most likely Scotch, and sitting in a big, leather chair.

2011: a sniveling youth with zits and baggy pants hung low enough to show most of the CK underwear. Carries the smell of defeat. No, wait, that’s the cheap knock-off David Beckham scent from that $10 stall.

And action…

(2011 enters CEO’s office gingerly)

CEO: Ah, Twenty-eleven. Welcome. Yes, come in. Sit down. Thank you for coming. This shouldn’t take long but I wanted to see you about your perfomance.

2011: (mumbles indiscernible comments)

CEO: Now, now Eleven. You had your chance over the last 52 weeks. It’s my turn now.

Firstly, professional performance.

You made good progress based on Ten’s work last year and managed to secure that change in career. Well done. That was excellent work. The Body Corporate were very pleased with that move. I believe it has relieved a lot of stress and provided a higher lever of satisfaction. The fiscal benefits of the move were well received too.

Now, health.

Well. I don’t really know what to say. You had a very difficult handover from Ten and we did take that into account. To be fair you have made progress where Ten failed to do so. But progress hasn’t been as quick as the Body would’ve liked. Nevertheless, overall, we’re pleased with your performance in this area.

Now, home life.

Well, I notice you didn’t produce grandchildren for some of the key stakeholders. I know they are probably upset about that but to be honest the Body Corporate were quite relieved. Especially when considering the two points above. Little Twenty-elevens running around would not be good at this time.  We did notice that you acquired a new asset in the form of a car. A sound decision. Although we did note you are still renting and living in a less than nice neighborhood.

Now, social.

It seemed you did a little better than previous years in terms of getting out there and seeing people, but this is always something that could be improved and developed more. There was a continued lack of contact with past friends and family in distant lands and maybe this is something that could’ve been more of a focus point for you.

Now, I know you’re about to handover to your replacement, Twelve, so there’s a few things I would like you to include in your notes to him.

There is a continued requirement to keep the stakeholders unhappy with regard to children. I know this will put undue pressure on Twelve but in this instance the Body takes precedence over any wishes of the stakeholders. They’ll just have to deal with it.

He must continue from the groundwork you have done with regard to the job. You have done excellent work, and I think Twelve would do well to build on that.

Maybe consider a change in location with regard to residence. Maybe even consider expanding on assets with some property. I’ll leave that up to Twelve to work on.

Twelve also needs to keep at the health aspect. What things are going to help that situation and avoid anything that makes it worse.

Well, Eleven. That’s you pretty much finished up hey? Thank you for your work and efforts-they really are appreciated. You certainly rank highly on the list of past Twenties!

Now, close the door on your way out, I’m about to get naked in my jacuzzi! Where’s that waiter? I need a top up.

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