I’ve ranted about stereotypes before. But this week I came across it again. And from a most unusual source.
I had to go see a doctor to get the next year’s worth of birth-control pills. A simple request, nothing tricky, so I saw nothing wrong with going to the doctor close to work rather than drive half an hour to see my usual doctor.
Oh, my mistake. Lesson learned. I will stick to my usual doctor from now on even for simple requests.
The reaction I got from this doctor was something akin to asking a priest perform an abortion.
“Why are you taking contraceptives?”
Um, because I don’t want kids…?
“Oh, why not? They’re wonderful.”
I have zero maternal instinct.
“Well you’d feel different once you have them. Just do it.”
No, really. I don’t want kids. I like my sleep. And I like my current financial status.
“Oh but kids give you a happiness that surpasses sleep and money.”
And so it went on.
What should have been three minute appointment (long enough for me to say I want more of these, him to print and sign the script and say have a good afternoon) turned into five minutes of me defending my no kids stance.
He made me feel sub-woman for not having this overwhelming desire to breed. I’ve debated writing to the practice manager but I don’t really know if what he did was unethical or worthy of a complaint.
But it did bring up the assumption that all women want to have kids. Well we don’t.
I put it up on Twitter and got so many responses (thank you for all your supportive words guys!).
It seems not all women do want to breed. And regardless of the desire, it’s the woman’s (and her partners) choice and not down to her doctor. The most a doctor should do is advise on the best method.
Another friend of mine has written this week about the assumption that she will have a second child fairly hot on the heels of her first. And it made me realise that our society and particularly within a Christian setting, there is a natural timeline that is followed. Or rather, it is assumed you will follow:
Start going out.
Have child number 1.
Have child number 2.
Rinse and repeat.
And I’m not knocking that cycle. If that’s what you want to do-great! Wish you all the luck in the world.
But it’s not for everybody.
My second nephew was born a couple of weeks ago, and I made some comment on FaceBook that at least with a nephew or niece you can hand it back to the parents when it starts to wail/smell/grumble. And a few people commented that I would feel different in a few years when it was my turn.
Really? I’ve been waiting to feel differently about babies for about ten years. Nothing. Not even a hint of cluckiness.
And I’m ok with that. And husband is ok with that.
I’m sure I could analyse for you the reasons I don’t think I am maternal (not the best mother-figure when growing up, only child, completely sane), but it stands that I don’t want kids.
Husband thought it was highly funny that I had to practically wrestle the script from this doctors hands.
Yeah, he won’t be laughing so hard when he discovers I’ve put a stop to the whole debate and booked him in for the snip…